Artist Statement #2

 I have a need.  A need to contemplate, manipulate, generate, and most importantly to create; I need to make something that speaks.  I have a need, a need to create something, anything that makes me feel; I need to feel.  To craft something that makes me feel like jumping and singing and crying and shouting and going into a rage.  No, no a frenzy… of emotion so powerful that it is ineffable.  I have a need to make things, to play, to mold, and to craft an art that I do not quite understand.  I may never understand.  I have a need to believe in the power of something that I, and only I can create: myself.  I believe in this need, and I indulge in this need because sometimes I do not know what else to do to keep from imploding, except create.  I have this need to create because if I didn’t have this need u would live in fear.  Fear of the funny, the stoic, the silly, the odd, the messy, the unknowable, because why shouldn’t we try to describe the indescribable.  I believe in this need to create and know that this need, this ongoing, aching need, forces me to see color in a world that appears readymade as black and white.  I have this need, this need to create, because when I create no matter how ugly, or bad, or despairing it may be I satisfy my need.  And thereby I am self-actualized in a technicolor world.  Lately, this need to create has rampaged inside of me, bubbling to the surface like an angry pot of molten water.  Recently this ability, this need, to create was lost, taken away; it was absconded not by choice, but by surprise.  Now my physical body rises to say, “enough,” and it makes me feel.  I feel as though I am impotent, my precious power hides in the darkened corners where shadow allows no light.  But, through this loss of mobility, through this act in which no one is to blame, I have discovered my need to create even more clearly than ever before, and that to me is beautiful.  The loss is a discovery, a necessary one that sheds a bright beam, because when I return I will fulfill my need and once again craft an art that is my blinding truth.  Now, I create need more than I create.